I'm no expert in psychology, but I do know that one of the keys of conflict resolution is to never call people names.
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If "soft-spoken, gentle, and supportive" men are actually emotionally manipulative abusers, then what man isn't an abuser? Bancroft believes that all men are abusers. Reading through the list of behavioral patterns, it's difficult to avoid the conclusion that Mr. What are you, some sort of abuser?Īre All Men Abusers? (Hint: Yes, They Are) Surely, there's a mountain of evidence for it. So, a man who claims to be an abuse victim is actually an abuse perpetrator.
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How so? Because being angry toward a previous partner or blaming her actions for the failed relationship makes it "likely that he was the abusive one." Bancroft also identifies an abusive pattern he calls "The Victim," in which a man who claims to have been abused by a previous partner is actually guilty of abuse himself. Bancroft says that these men, who often have their feelings easily hurt, are actually manipulating women with those hurt feelings. Sensitive" whose horrifying character traits include being "soft-spoken, gentle, and supportive" and who "openly shar his insecurities, his fears, and his emotional injuries." How is that abusive, you ask? Well, Mr. He claims to have identified a type called "Mr. Bancroft identifies are dubious, if not downright absurd. For instance, a man who displays the abusive behavioral pattern that he calls "The Terrorist" "frequently reminds his partner that he could physically rip her to pieces or even kill her." I think everyone would agree that this certainly qualifies as abusive behavior.īut other behavioral patterns that Mr. Note that the text doesn't appear in the same order as in the book.) In the book, he identifies and names various patterns of behavior among men that he considers abusive. Bancroft wrote a bestselling book called Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, which seems to have gained popularity in some circles, especially among women. Through our hours-long conversations, I learned about an author named Lundy Bancroft. Recently, a very good (male) friend of mine went through a painful and protracted divorce.